What Internal Motivation Actually Is
Internal motivation — sometimes called intrinsic motivation — is the drive that comes from inside you, not from outside rewards or punishments. It’s the quiet voice that says “I want to do this because it matters to me” instead of “I have to do this or else…”
Psychologists break it down with Self-Determination Theory into three basic needs:
- Autonomy – Feeling like you’re choosing your path, even when options feel limited.
- Competence – Getting better and feeling effective at something.
- Relatedness – Feeling connected to something bigger than yourself.
I’ve had to rebuild more than once. Each time the external stuff got stripped away, I leaned harder on these three things.
Recycling Your Own Shit as Fuel
I also learned something else from my earlier life that still helps on the really shitty days: you can recycle your own shit — anger, pain, and negative emotions — and turn it into short-term energy if you harness it right.
Back in high school and junior days, I wrestled and played football. Those sports beat the hell out of me. I got pinned, tackled, knocked down, screamed at by coaches. When I was down 8-2 in a match or getting my ass handed to me on the line, I didn’t just get mad — I used it. That hot rush in my chest became extra power in my hips for a takedown or drive in the trenches.
I still do the same thing today in recovery and on the roof. When a tough day hits — sore back from roofing, craving sneaking up, or just that heavy “why the fuck am I doing this again?” feeling — I don’t try to stuff it down. I recycle it. I let myself sit with the anger or the memory of how bad it used to be. That shit hurts… but it also lights a fire. It reminds me exactly why I’m not going back.
The key is harnessing it right. If you let it run wild, it turns into rage that wrecks everything. But if you channel it, it becomes controlled energy that protects your internal drive instead of burning you out.
What Actually Worked for Me
- Reconnect to your real “why” — Dig past the surface. What kind of man do I want to be? What does a life I can be proud of look like? Then use the recycled anger to defend that vision.
- Start stupidly small — On days the negative emotions are loud, I commit to just showing up and doing one hour of honest work. The anger often carries me into the full shift once competence starts kicking in.
- Treat setbacks like data, not proof you’re broken — Relapse, lost job, bad day on the roof — I ask: “What need wasn’t being met here?” Then I adjust, and sometimes I let the anger at the setback fuel the fix.
- Build routine and discipline on your own terms — Prison gave me structure; recovery taught me to own it. My morning routine includes that deliberate rumination time when needed.
- Celebrate the process more than the outcome — The real wins are the moments I harnessed the negativity instead of letting it harness me.
The Bottom Line
If you’re in recovery, supporting someone, or just starting over with almost nothing, know this: the external motivators will come and go. The internal ones you build — including the smart way you recycle your own darkness — get stronger every rebuild.
You don’t need to feel motivated to start. You just need to start… and let the doing (and sometimes the righteous anger) rebuild the motivation.
I’m still a roofer in Ottawa. I still have hard days where I have to pull out the old wrestling mindset. But the drive now comes mostly from inside, and that’s what lets me keep going no matter what gets thrown at me next.
If this resonates and you’re trying to rebuild right now, reach out. I’ve been exactly where you are.